Flightless Bird, American Mouth....

Cool song I'm falling in love with....its a little out there..but the melody is so sweet and it makes me think about the realities adn emotionl impact of situations far beyond the silly obscurity of the lyrics...
Its very melancholy, and I'm feeling it a bit right now...either the song is enhancing it or causing it, I can't tell definitely so its probably a bit of both...
But I'm not sad, I'm actually really happy. Everything is brought into focus for some reason. I'm not going to question it, just enjoy it while it lasts.

'Flightless Bird, American Mouth' by Iron&Wine
lyrics:

I was a quick wet boy, diving too deep for coins

All of your street light eyes wide on my plastic toys

Then when the cops closed the fair,

I cut my long baby hair

Stole me a dog-eared map and called for you everywhere

Have I found you

Flightless bird, jealous, weeping or lost you, american mouth

Big pill looming

Now I'm a fat house cat

Nursing my sore blunt tongue

Watching the warm poison rats curl through the wide fence cracks

Pissing on magazine photos

Those fishing lures thrown in the cold

And clean blood of Christ mountain stream

Have I found you

Flightless bird, grounded, bleeding or lost you, american mouth

Big pill stuck going down

Getting in the holiday Spirit

The top 25 Christmas movies of all time...according to moviefone?!?!?!?

Some of these (I feel) are WAY off!!!!...starting with:

25. The Polar Express- I couldn't stomach it..what a horrible thing to do to a classic children’s book!!!bad..tom hanks... bad bad...no... stop it....

24. We’re No Angels- never heard of it, maybe I’m uncultured??? Humphrey Bogart...

23. The Muppet Christmas Carol_ Michael Kane and Kermit- GAH!!

22. Joyeux Noel- This is one I would like to see. it is an incredible story about the ceasefire on Christmas during WWI, but I like my war movies on Veteran’s and Memorial days, maybe on the fourth of July...not so much Christmas

21. Gremlins- Now we’re talking!!! and I love it even if that makes me a dork. Mogwai+Christmas=love "bright light bright light!"


20. The Santa Clause- Shoot me now. This movie sucked so much. Actually, the 15 minutes I watched sucked, I'm guessing about the rest of it...


19. Bad Santa- I actually haven’t seen this but have heard it was funny, if crude…( which is kind of why I didn't see it...Billy bob kind of grosses me out...I can take a gross comedy but not on Jesus' birthday....)

18. The Dead- Another classic, um haven’t seen it, but the story by James Joyce was good…not a huge fan of Anjelica Houston though and the title kind of makes me not want to watch it on Christmas.


17. The Shop around the Corner- Okay, I thought I knew my movies...I would like to see this I did not know that the 'You’ve Got Mail' debacle was based on a classic…with Jimmy Stewart even!!!


16. Die Hard- W-O-W best Christmas action in town...amazing flick "Yippie-Ki-yay..."

15. Love Actually- um that movie was so dumb, and more like ‘sex actually’ pretentious self-absorbed Brits sleeping with each other on the holidays…no thank you…

14. The Bishop’s Wife- a classic of course and better than 'The Preacher’s Wife' remake, but not one of my 'must see's at Christmas


13. The Nightmare before Christmas- I think I am one of the few people that has not seen this movie…Krissy’s favorite J

12. Holiday Inn- LOVE LOVE LOVE this movie!!!I have always loved this film, this is the first time White Christmas was sung.


11. A Christmas Carol (1951 version with Alastair Sim) This is a good version that kind of creeps me out…in the good Dickens way of course...

10. National Lampoon’s Christmas vacation- Chevy Chase at his finest…


9. Babes in Toyland- No no no. This one always gave me freaky nightmares as a child…Laurel and Hardy just are creep-tastic

8. Home Alone- used to love it…it can get so overdone though, its played-out


7. Christmas in Connecticut- never seen it, or heard of it…Barbara Stanwyk…1942

6.ELF- is there awesome in this movie? Than YES!


5. White Christmas- One of my all-time favorite’s since I was a kid…I love Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye in this movie, its so much fun

4. Scrooged- AMAZING, gives me the warm fuzzy when they staple antlers to the mice....

3. Miracle on 34th Street- More of a Thanksgiving movie for me…but of course a great movie , "You're Intoxicated!"


2. It’s a wonderful Life- This should not be number 2…

1. A Christmas Story- I would flip this one with "Its a Wonderful Life"

Those last two are the best of all time...I have to watch them every year...

So what would you add to this list?????

my person additions...in no way does this make these movies great, I just like them...

Bells of St. Mary's- C'mon people at moviefone...what the heck!!!????

The Ref- I'm a sucker for Dennis Leary

Jingle All the Way- Its so horrible that its funny...one of Phil Hartman's last movies. Arnold is terrible and so is Sinbad, but Phil's scenes are great...and "I know what I'm talking about because I Went to junior college for a semester and I studied Psychology"

The Family Stone- I liked Luke Wilson and Rachel McAdams in this..it was kind of cute...if overly sentimental adn proud of itself...

I know they aren't movies but 'Christmas Specials' but I love:
'A Charlie Brown Christmas" is amazing...
and
"How The Grinch Stole Christmas" every who down in whoville gives it two thumbs up....and
"The House without a Christmas Tree"...*tear*


here is a list of the ten worst Christmas movies of all time...http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/top-5/the-ten-worst-christmas-movies-of-all-time.php
but that list forgets..."Christmas comes to Willow Creek" which reunited those pesky Duke boys....

Well, I've got to get back to work at my little parish here in CT...The youth group is in charge of making 120 Thanksgiving baskets for the poor...The secretary and I are preparing...we're sorting all of the food, turkeys and pies in the garage (which looks like a grocery store right now (PRAISE GOD!!!) AND our resident Santa Clause (aka Richard Zotti..he has an AMAZING beard) just dropped off a Christmas tree (my hands smell and feel like sap) for our fair on Saturday AND we have to print up all the programs for the Ecumenical Thanksgiving service on Sunday evening...AND I have to go to liqueur store and get more empty boxes to put he food in for the families because we ran out...so now I'm going to be like, "Hello Happy thanksgiving, here is your basket of food...yes that is a Smirnoff box..." classy I know....

I'm losing my mind a little bit...

Maybe if I watch more movies I can forget reality enough to function robotically this year.

"Now Harry, Sam, have a lot of fun..."

And I'm done...because I'm not nearly

Top Chef New York! My life needs more meaning...

So this past Sunday I was late for work because Chris and Krissy and I watched a Top Chef marathon...well I watched, krissy was packing and watching and Chris mocked..but it was a really funny show...Ilan defeated Marcel!!! Yay!

The new season premiered last night. Top Chef New York..
tag line "With over 650,00 food service workers in the city that never sleeps...the competition is fiercer than ever before...if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere." said over dramatic music...

After eliminations from a challenge of who could peel 15 apples the fastest with a pearing knife...which led to apples covered in blood...but well peeled....one 'top chef' candidate was sent to 'pack up your knives and go home' before ever getting to see the Top Chef kitchen *tear* poor Lauren, she really wantred to be Top Chef!

They took the remaining 16 top chefs and sent them in pairs to different parts of the city to be inspired to make ethnic food...i.e. China Town, Little Italy, Astoria, Brighten Beach...etc...
and unfortunately yet inevitably another chef was eliminated later for a sub-par chinese dish with 'gummy' rice noodles...and you call yourself a CHEF!!!! its back to the Culinary Institue of America for Patrick...so sad...he really wanted to be Top Chef too!

They have quite a collection of chefs...the three gay ones call themselves "Team Rainbow" and the two Europeans think , "its really time for a European to be Top Chef" Yes because winning an american game show will prove to the world that they are wrong in that age old assumption thatAmerican chef's are superior to European ones....wow... Another chef from Miami runs around teh kitchen talking to himself like a crazy person adn is constantly talking about his looks and how he always makes sure his waitstaff checks his hair before he goes out front...
its going to fun watching this.

In the scenes for next week...one of the really mean judges is seen spitting into a napkin and saying "I have found the weapns of mass destruction...and they are in this bowl." That pretty much made my night..I can't wait until next Wednesday...somehow seeing really arrogant chefs reduced to tears by pompous judges for an hour really makes me feel good about myself...

I shouldn't watch...but I know I probably will...

good day to you

grief, love and perspective

I just returned from an unexpected quick trip to Philadelphia to see one of my best friends and NET teammates, Brianna. Her younger brother died last Tuesday and the funeral was yesterday and I really wanted to be there for her.

We are very close, and Brianna is someone that I know will always be there for me...but both of our lives have been in such a state of fluctuation, financial issues and overall stressful situations that the last time we spent together was a few weeks during the summer of 2005....I have missed her and we have made plans that have gotten canceled over and over again.

Finally we made plans for Halloween weekend this year and it was all set...and Friday morning she left a message that something had happened with her family, please call, she can't make it...

We played phone tag all weekend...and it wasn't until Monday evening that I found out the 'thing' that had happened with her family was her 21 year old brother Michael's apparent drug overdose that was not uncovered for several days. Brianna was devastated, and also being a rock for her family.

I drove down to Philly and went to the funeral and mourned with Michael's friends and family, listened to touching and beautiful sentiments shared by Brianna and her siblings Katie and Andrew. I hugged and cried with her parents and cousins and friends, played with Katie's two young children, and talked music with Andrew who is an amazing drummer. I didn't know Michael well at all, but you don't need to know someone well to be able to mourn them...and seeing the love coupled with grief in the Duffy family put a lot of things in perspective for me...

I refuse to let stress or money or inconvenience or distance,s top me from loving and being with the people that I care about. Sometimes we don't have tomorrow. I'm not going to waste a moment of it taking anything or anyone for granted.

Seeing Brianna's parents so broken by losing Michael broke my heart, and reminded me that my own family had felt such a tragedy also and that God can be present in any and all circumstances...seeing the love shared by their family gave me hope for their eventual healing, and knowing that "All things work for good for those who serve the Lord" put my concerns for mankind in general at bay.

Its so hard to see a young life snuffed out before its time, this is the fourth young man's funeral I've gone to in a year, and in all of them the horrible disease of addiction is rearing its head in our culture and our youth and that makes me feel frustrated and angry and somewhat helpless...

But, we cannot sit idly by. We can pray and provide help and support to organizations and people that are trying to help fight for this cause. Anyone out there reading this, please support your local DARE office as per the request of the Duffy family.

I remind myself also that the Lord's ways are not our ways. I have a feeling that when we get to heaven it will be like turning the light on in a dark room that we have been trying to imagine or grasp at on our own...when all is illuminated, when we are present in the glory of God...

I'm reminded of the famous verse in the book of Revelation, "and he shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and death shall be no more; neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain, any more: the first things are passed away."

Better times are always ahead of us, even if it is not until we get to heaven, and for myself I'm going to live in the moment and I really don't want to emotionally invest in political rhetoric (I did vote, but it didn't hold much significance for me with these more important things on my mind) or sports (The Duffys are huge Phillies fans...so I didn't fight off the Mets fan razzzzzing- I took it like trooper....and I let it go for now anyway....), or anything on television ( a friend's grandma jokingly called TV "Satan's tabernacle"....but then again, there was a great Peru South Park episode last week...I'm only human!) or my job's drama that was flaring up a bit (I'm working really hard to leave work drama at work and with those that create it...it belongs to them, not to me).

I know that I try to be the best version of myself that I can and I love my family and friends. I pray for them everyday, and I miss them and I'm going to make more of an effort to visit and call more often. I'm excited to be taking off for Christmas this year for the first time in 4 years, well its a start!

Overall, the last few days have been emotionally and physically draining and I officially hate the George Washington Bridge, tolls, the Jersey Turnpike, driving in Philly in general and any and all Canadian truckers....

The past few days I felt really empty at times and had to remind myself to have faith regardless of whether I FELT that faith or not. Funerals and burials and grief are so emotionally surreal for me while being clearly based in strong physical reality, and these experiences are acutely painful for most people. At times it can make me cynically question human nature a bit as well, funerals can seem like some strange mix between paying respects and voyeurism.

I believe the human condition is one that lends itself easily to faith as well as to the rejection of it. Faith for many is a status quo type of thing, it goes up during prosperity, and during trials, many try to fight faith off with a stick of logic as their weapon of choice. Then there is also the aspect of the reality in the midst of our grief that we will go one day as well.

For me, I don't believe I have as many questions about death as most people do, because of my faith. I try to use my logic to explain my faith rather than try to explain it away. None are more grief stricken during times like this than those without faith, so thankfully Brianna's family has a strong faith, tested now in fire.

All this being said...I still feel very drained and tired and sad...

All my thoughts and prayers remain with the Duffy family. Please pray for them too.

Happy times in Clinton, CT

I'm feeling really fulfilled and purposeful, if not super busy beyond all recognition at work these days.

Sometimes its easy to get complacent and it took a really great surge of parent and teen involvement to get me excited again. Since I make my own schedule, set my own goals, and plan all of my own activities for work, its easy for me, if something doesn't turnout how I want it to, to give up or not put as much energy and time into it as I normally would.

Year four must be when all the blood sweat (several concussions) and tears, start to pay off for Youth Ministry...

update grades 6-8- tough crowd, but overall very awesome...last year 100 kids by the end of the year...this year 120 on the first day and 5- 10 more each week so far...and they were respectful and sang and did their little evangelization skits...okay there was that kid in the back yelling out "Atheism Rules"...but hey, we'll take it slow :)

Now the High School crowd is the one that is really surprising me, I have 5 parents showing up to help me every Sunday Night, Which I've never had here in Clinton before this year! A normal Sunday night high school crowd at its peak was at around 15-25 (that's ranging HIGH) for the last three years...for the past three weeks we have had 40-55 kids showing up, bringing their friends who aren't even Catholic, and not just coming to the group but also to the mass, asking to join band, asking for me to plan activities, service projects, and parties for them. Yes, I lost some points when I wouldn't let them play Call of Duty 4 (rated MA for extreme violence, gore and language) during the game night, but we ended up cool. and Yes, there were a few conversations I heard that weren't the best or most uplifting...but we'll take it slow there too...they are all God's children and I feel very blessed right now to have a successful program going on...


Costume Party this Sunday...YAY

Monster Macaroni Bash....annual traditional St. Mary's family dinner and costume party...the teens and I will be decorating and serving the food...exciting costume parade as well...par-tay woot.

no mas por favor....

I have decided not to watch or listen to anything else that is election related, be it CNN, FOX News, NPR or SNL, until November 4th. I will read selective things of my own choosing, but I am so sick of the partisan rhetoric that is killing our country...I'm sick of Obama, I'm Sickof Biden, I'm sick of McCain and Palin, and even Joe the Plumber...no one gets it at all and I AM DONE!
Ron Paul '08 :)

Christine and Philippe :) <3

I was honored to stand up as a bridesmaid for my best friend Christine (Jumpeter) Corbet this past weekend and I was so blessed by the experience. I found a new hope and love in myself through their love for each other.

I was able to spend real quality time with her for days, and it seemed like it has been so long since we just had that time. It is so strange. When someone is a daily part of your life from the age of five, you just take it for granted that they will always be there. When Christine went off to college, we always stayed int ouch, but that daily presence was gone, and this weekend it was present again, along with the firm foundation of lifelong friendship that cannot be disturbed. Christine has been as strong steadfast and faithful friend, always, generous, loving, fun and very crazy :) and I realize how lucky I am to count her as my friend. Philippe is a wonderful man who truly loves her, is as giving and loving as she is and can always make everyone laugh and relax in an easy manner. It is so beautiful seeing to people bring out the best in each other and to share their love with family and friends.

Weddings can be so cookie cutter and cliche and theirs was truly unique, incorporating many French traditions from Philippe's home and although i couldn't communicate very well with the groomsmen, I believe it is a true testament that Philippe is the same type of steadfast person that Christine is, that so many people came over 3000 miles to be a part of his wedding. It was relaxed and fun and not over the top, the whole weekend truly reflected Christine and Philippe's personalities and character.

I've been so stressed out lately and emotional and bogged down in work for year's it seems...its funny that a four day weekend could do so much for my psyche. I hadn't been to a wedding since John and Michelle's, where I was also a bridesmaid and happened to be in love at the time...

I lost most of my faith in love and relationships or any desire for marriage in general after that, no matter how hard Jr and Michelle would pray and invite me down and I would witness them with each other and my goddaughter Andrea, and they restored my faith in marriage and love itself but I didn't feel any different about me...

I reconnected not only with Christine, Phillipe, Matt and Angelo( I also got to meet Angelo's girlfriend FINALLY), but I reconnected with the person they knew for all those years growing up, the foundation of myself that is strong and smart and funny and as a good a friend to them as they are to me...I reconnected with what I want in life and with not letting things break me, I reconnected with JOY and true freeing happiness. Their love for each other was so apparent as they stood on the altar before God and all of us. They didn't have to do this, they were married three years ago by a justice of the peace. Some people think maybe it was just for the party etc...but if you saw them on the altar it was so much more than that, it was a public declaration and sharing of their love and their marriage as they had it blessed by God in that beautiful church. I took one look at her walking down the aisle with Chuck and Cookie and I was crying, because she was I guess, but mainly just because I was overwhelmed with the joy and love int he room, and I know that was the Holy Spirit, awakening in me by the love present in that church, for Christine and Philippe from all of their friends and family, from God to all of us and from them to each other...that is a lot of love!

The more I thought about it, the more joyful I felt.
catching up with Angelo and Matt was great. I love Christine's family, they know how to party. The 'Frenchies' As we called them were so much fun to hang out with.

I guess for the first time in a long time, I didn't feel like a guest or an outsider, or like I didn't have love anymore...I felt like a part of this beautiful group of family and friends, very much a part of it. I felt as if I was right where I belonged.

As I celebrated with Christine and Philippe I had so many hopes for their future to be blessed and felt so loved that they wanted me to be such a big part of their special day.

I love God for giving me a friend like Christine. I know she will always be there for me, because she always has. And I'm so happy that she has Philippe in her life, because they love each other so much and I know they will always take care of each other.

Safe trip back to France for the Frenchies!
Safe trip to Hawaii for bride and groom!

And I just want to hang on to my joy that I found in rediscovering love in my life and the hope I have for my future. I want to always feel like this true version of myself, that can be at peace and not anxious or stressed by the opinions of others or affected negatively by their actions. I want the positive love filled atmosphere that renewed my perspective to be present in my memories when the 'spirit snipers' (public enemy reference) try to steal my joy. I want to always remember who I am , how strong I am, how loved I am, and not have the actions and moods of others effect mine here in CT anymore. I want to forget that failed relationship and move on towards love in my life. One of my friends helped me with that when I even mentioned my ex for a moment saying, "Please Annie, he really wasn't worthy of you. You can't waste anymore emotion on him." I realized how right that was and how right it felt. I saw myself as my friends saw me int hat moment, as a caring and loving person devoted to God family and friends, and I realized that the person I spent so much time grieving had not valued my feelings. I have finally closed that door for good and it feels so amazing! Not even sad, just relief, and I never thought I would get there...its nice place, peace...I want to stay here.