Christine and Philippe :) <3

I was honored to stand up as a bridesmaid for my best friend Christine (Jumpeter) Corbet this past weekend and I was so blessed by the experience. I found a new hope and love in myself through their love for each other.

I was able to spend real quality time with her for days, and it seemed like it has been so long since we just had that time. It is so strange. When someone is a daily part of your life from the age of five, you just take it for granted that they will always be there. When Christine went off to college, we always stayed int ouch, but that daily presence was gone, and this weekend it was present again, along with the firm foundation of lifelong friendship that cannot be disturbed. Christine has been as strong steadfast and faithful friend, always, generous, loving, fun and very crazy :) and I realize how lucky I am to count her as my friend. Philippe is a wonderful man who truly loves her, is as giving and loving as she is and can always make everyone laugh and relax in an easy manner. It is so beautiful seeing to people bring out the best in each other and to share their love with family and friends.

Weddings can be so cookie cutter and cliche and theirs was truly unique, incorporating many French traditions from Philippe's home and although i couldn't communicate very well with the groomsmen, I believe it is a true testament that Philippe is the same type of steadfast person that Christine is, that so many people came over 3000 miles to be a part of his wedding. It was relaxed and fun and not over the top, the whole weekend truly reflected Christine and Philippe's personalities and character.

I've been so stressed out lately and emotional and bogged down in work for year's it seems...its funny that a four day weekend could do so much for my psyche. I hadn't been to a wedding since John and Michelle's, where I was also a bridesmaid and happened to be in love at the time...

I lost most of my faith in love and relationships or any desire for marriage in general after that, no matter how hard Jr and Michelle would pray and invite me down and I would witness them with each other and my goddaughter Andrea, and they restored my faith in marriage and love itself but I didn't feel any different about me...

I reconnected not only with Christine, Phillipe, Matt and Angelo( I also got to meet Angelo's girlfriend FINALLY), but I reconnected with the person they knew for all those years growing up, the foundation of myself that is strong and smart and funny and as a good a friend to them as they are to me...I reconnected with what I want in life and with not letting things break me, I reconnected with JOY and true freeing happiness. Their love for each other was so apparent as they stood on the altar before God and all of us. They didn't have to do this, they were married three years ago by a justice of the peace. Some people think maybe it was just for the party etc...but if you saw them on the altar it was so much more than that, it was a public declaration and sharing of their love and their marriage as they had it blessed by God in that beautiful church. I took one look at her walking down the aisle with Chuck and Cookie and I was crying, because she was I guess, but mainly just because I was overwhelmed with the joy and love int he room, and I know that was the Holy Spirit, awakening in me by the love present in that church, for Christine and Philippe from all of their friends and family, from God to all of us and from them to each other...that is a lot of love!

The more I thought about it, the more joyful I felt.
catching up with Angelo and Matt was great. I love Christine's family, they know how to party. The 'Frenchies' As we called them were so much fun to hang out with.

I guess for the first time in a long time, I didn't feel like a guest or an outsider, or like I didn't have love anymore...I felt like a part of this beautiful group of family and friends, very much a part of it. I felt as if I was right where I belonged.

As I celebrated with Christine and Philippe I had so many hopes for their future to be blessed and felt so loved that they wanted me to be such a big part of their special day.

I love God for giving me a friend like Christine. I know she will always be there for me, because she always has. And I'm so happy that she has Philippe in her life, because they love each other so much and I know they will always take care of each other.

Safe trip back to France for the Frenchies!
Safe trip to Hawaii for bride and groom!

And I just want to hang on to my joy that I found in rediscovering love in my life and the hope I have for my future. I want to always feel like this true version of myself, that can be at peace and not anxious or stressed by the opinions of others or affected negatively by their actions. I want the positive love filled atmosphere that renewed my perspective to be present in my memories when the 'spirit snipers' (public enemy reference) try to steal my joy. I want to always remember who I am , how strong I am, how loved I am, and not have the actions and moods of others effect mine here in CT anymore. I want to forget that failed relationship and move on towards love in my life. One of my friends helped me with that when I even mentioned my ex for a moment saying, "Please Annie, he really wasn't worthy of you. You can't waste anymore emotion on him." I realized how right that was and how right it felt. I saw myself as my friends saw me int hat moment, as a caring and loving person devoted to God family and friends, and I realized that the person I spent so much time grieving had not valued my feelings. I have finally closed that door for good and it feels so amazing! Not even sad, just relief, and I never thought I would get there...its nice place, peace...I want to stay here.