My heart is still in mourning over the soulless new york metropolitans, the organization, the players, and the stadium that will house them all seem empty to me...no heart...
I was looking for an uplifting distraction and I read this today...
"I have for some time been thinking that it would be a good thing if there were a challenge cup, which would be held from year to year by the leading hockey club in Canada. There does not appear to be any outward sign of a championship at present, and considering the interest that hockey matches now elicit, I am willing to give a cup which shall be held annually by the winning club."
So mused Lord Stanley of Preston in 1892, at a sports banquet in Ottawa. The following year Canada's governor-general was true to his word, purchasing a silver bowl for $50 and naming it the Dominion Hockey Challenge Cup. Hockey folks went with a less formal designation, the Stanley Cup.
The first winner was a Montreal team that finished atop the Amateur Hockey Association of Canada, considered the best league going at the time. But in its early years, the prize was not exclusive to one hockey league, nor was it meant to be. It was a challenge cup, changing hands in much the same way as a boxing title. Contenders issued challenges, and the champions held the Cup for as long as they could fend off all comers. Independent trustees ensured that legitimate challenges were met on a regular basis.
In later years, as professionalism swept the game, it was accepted that the Stanley Cup could not remain exclusive to amateur teams. The Stanley Cup officially turned pro in 1910, when the National Hockey Association took possession of it. But it was not until 1926 that the National Hockey League emerged indisputably as the top league in North America, effectively taking control of the Cup. That control was formalized in an agreement signed with the Cup trustees in 1947.
Awesome story... 'as professionalism swept the game'...ugghhh more like a plague that steals the soul of sport...but at least the cup is a legacy that can't be torn down....
I haven't even been to a hockey game in like 6 years...and the only players I know on the Islanders are DiPietrio, because he's the goalie and Comrie, because he is old and the Capetian...but I just know the names... I used to really like it and go to games a lot in high school. Its not as important as baseball of course, but then again, it doesn't hurt as much when they suck because you're not expecting much...
anyway...
Nothing that resembles what Lord Stanley proposed truly exists anymore.....and it made me think about the issuance of a 'challenge' and playing for love of the game and for honor and striving for personal best and team work...every sport is so corrupt now...but I think hockey has it right...for the most part...because the market isn't as big as the other major sports in the US and Canada, at least not in a baseball town like NY...but in general the players make much less than your A-Rod's and Ramirez's who travel from team to team seeing who will pay the most...you don't see that as much in hockey...look at the greatest players in recent times...most played for one or two teams...'the great one', messier, limieux, jagr, roy, bossy, borque, trottier, federov(okay like 90s players or Isles guys because that is all I know...and federov is a major dirtbag...but whatever) they didn't move around as much as free agents, just two or three teams...maybe because hockey is less about the individual performance and much more focused on everyone one working together on the ice than other sports...
Anyway....the point is, I loved this little piece on the Stanley Cup...I picture Lord Stanley wearing a monocle while saying it and I picture frozen guys playing on ponds for the ultimate bragging rights....and that makes me happy :) :)
TANGENT
I have been thinking about hockey to distract myself from baseball...although I am rooting for an all Chicago World Series. I'm rooting for the Cubs, I love seeing 'curses' broken, and the Sox already broke theirs...except when the rangers broke theirs, that was tooooo bad.... :(
Go Sox tonight....the Mets could have used some of the heart the Sox showed yesterday to push tonights playoff game. I hope they beat the Twins...I've lived in Minnesotta and seen their team and been to their trash bag of a stadium...they and it both suck and I'm not a fan...
I don't have any love for the White Sox either...but if you love baseball and your team doesn't make it...October= Fan Free Agency... It lacks heart, but the players do it...why can't we?
Cubs winning the World Series??? hope so...lets face it they are the National League's best shot this year...we have to salvage something...maybe the Angels will get team food poisoning or something...
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Evertyhing's changing
Internally- My brain is trying to change my emotions and perspectives. I wonder about my path more and more these days. I've always ( the last 7-8 years at least) been such a free spirit and wanderer, and really tried to not care about the future (often failing) and just live in the moment. As I get older and increasingly less solvent, I wonder how responsible that is...and my responsible side tells me its time to grow up more but I don't want to sell out either...
Locally- its getting cooler out, the Earth is shifting and as the leaves will soon change, the weather and atmosphere effect my moods and wardrobes... I feel like I put on melancholy along with my sweatshirts. In November and December they are cuddly and warm, but in September and October they make me angry and stubborn....I hate to relinquish summer. There is something so freeing about flip flops, yet that freedom must be relinquished to shoes in all their binding shackles....and all too soon I fear...
Socially- Christine is getting married next week... changes changes changes...I love weddings, hope and love and joy celebrated so fully...family and friends gathered, memories captured forever...and I love Christine and Philippe...for no one else would I wear floor length strapless taffeta...
Globally- The charade of an election is going to effect our country and our world in increasingly complete ways... I fear that it will be negatively... things are constantly changing but it seems so rarely that you hear even a whisper of it ever being for the better...I feel strongly that both 'our' candidates will take us in directions that are very unhealthy for our world.
Religiously- I always love seeing all the children come back to catechism in the fall, it has its ups and downs and the program has its supporters and detractors, but all in all, its is my favorite thing about the fall. At the end of the day, its is God who is in charge and this year I'm trying to let go of that control of always trying to make everyone happy and appeased and just be glad that people are in the house of the Lord. I'm trusting that he will do the rest if we just pray and give him our will and service. Letting go of that responsibility seems like it should be a simple thing, but its hard not to feel responsible when you are the one in charge of the program...humanity and divinity...Divinity wins out...I have to remember just to smile and do the leg work and God will change their hearts.
In relation to the Mets....I had a dream last night....I vow to never watch Sports Center at 3:00am again.. here it is.
Its cold...so cold, and their is grief in the air...."Lets go Mets!!!" is a cry that has been abandoned.... I see Mr Met on a bridge praying for his postseason after a strange adventure that Roberto Clemente came to take him on where he saw what life would be like without all the memories...1962, 1969, 1986, even 2000...that silly home run hat... without these, so many people would be without so much joy...no matter how much its sucks to be seeing how it will all turn out this year, Mr. Met doesn't lose faith anymore, having seen a world without any Mets at all and he beseeches.... "Please Lord...let me live again, I wanna live again" and the ghost of Casey Stengel pulls up..."CASE, hey you know me CASE???" To which Casey responds, "Know ya! I've been drivin all over Flushing tryin' to FIND ya!!!!" and they pull up to Shea just in time to watch the Mets beat the Brewers in the one-game playoff for the Wild Card, in an epic game at Shea...possibly the last one Shea will ever see....stay tuned
That is all I have to say today...
Locally- its getting cooler out, the Earth is shifting and as the leaves will soon change, the weather and atmosphere effect my moods and wardrobes... I feel like I put on melancholy along with my sweatshirts. In November and December they are cuddly and warm, but in September and October they make me angry and stubborn....I hate to relinquish summer. There is something so freeing about flip flops, yet that freedom must be relinquished to shoes in all their binding shackles....and all too soon I fear...
Socially- Christine is getting married next week... changes changes changes...I love weddings, hope and love and joy celebrated so fully...family and friends gathered, memories captured forever...and I love Christine and Philippe...for no one else would I wear floor length strapless taffeta...
Globally- The charade of an election is going to effect our country and our world in increasingly complete ways... I fear that it will be negatively... things are constantly changing but it seems so rarely that you hear even a whisper of it ever being for the better...I feel strongly that both 'our' candidates will take us in directions that are very unhealthy for our world.
Religiously- I always love seeing all the children come back to catechism in the fall, it has its ups and downs and the program has its supporters and detractors, but all in all, its is my favorite thing about the fall. At the end of the day, its is God who is in charge and this year I'm trying to let go of that control of always trying to make everyone happy and appeased and just be glad that people are in the house of the Lord. I'm trusting that he will do the rest if we just pray and give him our will and service. Letting go of that responsibility seems like it should be a simple thing, but its hard not to feel responsible when you are the one in charge of the program...humanity and divinity...Divinity wins out...I have to remember just to smile and do the leg work and God will change their hearts.
In relation to the Mets....I had a dream last night....I vow to never watch Sports Center at 3:00am again.. here it is.
Its cold...so cold, and their is grief in the air...."Lets go Mets!!!" is a cry that has been abandoned.... I see Mr Met on a bridge praying for his postseason after a strange adventure that Roberto Clemente came to take him on where he saw what life would be like without all the memories...1962, 1969, 1986, even 2000...that silly home run hat... without these, so many people would be without so much joy...no matter how much its sucks to be seeing how it will all turn out this year, Mr. Met doesn't lose faith anymore, having seen a world without any Mets at all and he beseeches.... "Please Lord...let me live again, I wanna live again" and the ghost of Casey Stengel pulls up..."CASE, hey you know me CASE???" To which Casey responds, "Know ya! I've been drivin all over Flushing tryin' to FIND ya!!!!" and they pull up to Shea just in time to watch the Mets beat the Brewers in the one-game playoff for the Wild Card, in an epic game at Shea...possibly the last one Shea will ever see....stay tuned
That is all I have to say today...
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Its a Beautiful Day!!!
A friend of mine recently pointed out that most of my posts are sarcastic and melancholic...he enjoys them, but never comments (LOSER) but thinks I could be a bit more upbeat, especially for a minister...and I'm always one to please so here is a happy go lucky entry for the history books. But, in my own defense, I already have two 'religious' web pages, and this one was supposed to be my safe place to be angry and sarcastic :) :) lol
I got up today and it was gorgeous outside...I went for a walk on the beach before work and it was so peaceful that it made me feel hope and joy. I put my toes in and it was chilly ...and yet I kind of wanted to just jump in with all my clothes on and swim!!!
I had to get to work though, so I drove my struggling car and it didn't even bother me, because at least I have a car and i don't have to ride a bike, which wouldn't even be too bad until it gets colder...
i got to work and there was a bunch of red tape stuff with our text book order that has been going on for weeks and it finally all worked out today. And then we had a birthday party with the whole staff for the sexton Ken and it was really fun and we talked about sports and our lives and all the Spanish staff was there so i practiced mi espanol. Fr. Michael is planning a fourth trip to Peru next June and already trying to get me go....but I'm still on medication from last June so i doubt I will go, but its still so exciting how that ministry has grown from 3 people on the first trip to probably over 70 or 80 next June...It reminds me how much good there is in people and the world. And I think of my little Peruvian family and the orphans in Orapesa and my heart feels warm and full from the depth of that life changing experience.
And Now I am getting ready fro the weekend...On Sunday we have our Parish Picnic and I'm running the games!!!! Water balloon volleyball and sack races among other things :) :) I love being game master!!!! We will also have an international buffet from Fr. Michael (Indian) The Brazilians, and the Hispanics (food from 12 countries) to go along with the regular picnic fare Americana ( burger, dogs etc...)
We will have a magician, face painting, a DJ and live church band performances from all our music ministries in all languages. Its only 2-3 times a year that all of our different communities can get together like this and its exciting. IT should be really fun!!!!
In Ministry news We're organizing a major community clothing drive for the St. Vincent de Paul Society in Middletown, CT. All grades 6-12 taking part in publicity and collections. Its a nationwide drive we are taking part in and clothes are really pouring in. it makes me feel so productive, like I'm doing something positive not just for the kids in my programs, but for the needy, and combining the two is so amazing to me.Check out the 'Give it Away' clothing drive at www.lifeteen.com, you can probably find a parish near you that is doing it. The national goal is 50,000lbs of clothes, we set a parish goal of 500lobs, I think were over half -way there and we still have the main collection over a week away!!!!
And last but not least, a mom came in to register her kids for classes yesterday and asked if she could help with anything because she heard from so many people what a great program we have and thinks the changes I've made a re exciting and good for the community....and I was so happy and honored and a little dumbfounded, because I usually mostly hear the negative so that was major cool :)
Okay punks, was that upbeat enough for you????
"I'm not quite dead yet"
"I feeeeeel Haaaaaapppppppppy!!!!!"
Funny and yet sad video here:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kkoq5_pN7E
Happy Thursday!!!
Love always,
Your friendly neighborhood spiderman,
Annie
I got up today and it was gorgeous outside...I went for a walk on the beach before work and it was so peaceful that it made me feel hope and joy. I put my toes in and it was chilly ...and yet I kind of wanted to just jump in with all my clothes on and swim!!!
I had to get to work though, so I drove my struggling car and it didn't even bother me, because at least I have a car and i don't have to ride a bike, which wouldn't even be too bad until it gets colder...
i got to work and there was a bunch of red tape stuff with our text book order that has been going on for weeks and it finally all worked out today. And then we had a birthday party with the whole staff for the sexton Ken and it was really fun and we talked about sports and our lives and all the Spanish staff was there so i practiced mi espanol. Fr. Michael is planning a fourth trip to Peru next June and already trying to get me go....but I'm still on medication from last June so i doubt I will go, but its still so exciting how that ministry has grown from 3 people on the first trip to probably over 70 or 80 next June...It reminds me how much good there is in people and the world. And I think of my little Peruvian family and the orphans in Orapesa and my heart feels warm and full from the depth of that life changing experience.
And Now I am getting ready fro the weekend...On Sunday we have our Parish Picnic and I'm running the games!!!! Water balloon volleyball and sack races among other things :) :) I love being game master!!!! We will also have an international buffet from Fr. Michael (Indian) The Brazilians, and the Hispanics (food from 12 countries) to go along with the regular picnic fare Americana ( burger, dogs etc...)
We will have a magician, face painting, a DJ and live church band performances from all our music ministries in all languages. Its only 2-3 times a year that all of our different communities can get together like this and its exciting. IT should be really fun!!!!
In Ministry news We're organizing a major community clothing drive for the St. Vincent de Paul Society in Middletown, CT. All grades 6-12 taking part in publicity and collections. Its a nationwide drive we are taking part in and clothes are really pouring in. it makes me feel so productive, like I'm doing something positive not just for the kids in my programs, but for the needy, and combining the two is so amazing to me.Check out the 'Give it Away' clothing drive at www.lifeteen.com, you can probably find a parish near you that is doing it. The national goal is 50,000lbs of clothes, we set a parish goal of 500lobs, I think were over half -way there and we still have the main collection over a week away!!!!
And last but not least, a mom came in to register her kids for classes yesterday and asked if she could help with anything because she heard from so many people what a great program we have and thinks the changes I've made a re exciting and good for the community....and I was so happy and honored and a little dumbfounded, because I usually mostly hear the negative so that was major cool :)
Okay punks, was that upbeat enough for you????
"I'm not quite dead yet"
"I feeeeeel Haaaaaapppppppppy!!!!!"
Funny and yet sad video here:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kkoq5_pN7E
Happy Thursday!!!
Love always,
Your friendly neighborhood spiderman,
Annie
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Manifesto Politico: I'm not political, but my world is...
I usually could care less about politics...especially when idiots in the media and Hollywood celebrities and extremists on polarized sides of the party dichotomy are all chiming in, constantly, everywhere you turn, loudly and obnoxiously and relentlessly.
Since when did it become okay for educated.... forget that, lets go with mildly intelligent people.... to act as if anyone who disagrees with them is automatically ignorant. What the hell is a pundit and who cares what they think?????
Obviously all of these very important people reporting, not the news, but their opinions and leanings, should be listened to and revered, when they can manage to not talk over each other...because the only opinion worth having, expressing and worth listening too, is theirs.
Pundits and politicians have quietly hijacked us as country and a people, taking the greed ridden, wide and easy road to perdition, corrupting a system our patriotic and sacrificing military families depend on to be just and honor their sacrifice....corrupting social programs with our tax dollars, corrupting our environment with unregulated pollution, abusing our privacy and our human rights and our religious freedom. All t he while most of the masses sit by unaware watching idiotic shows like "The View" and "Flava-flav's" latest journey towards love...or believing everything the New York Times or The New York Post have to say about anything political ...but really caring more about Page Six gossip.
And I have always known but never really tried to care too much, because I feel too insignificant to be able to change anything except my own mood by thinking about it...
I guess today was just the last straw on expressing my anger because more soldiers died yesterday and no one reported it ...because you can only hear about the 4160 Iraq and Afghanistan casualties if you go to iCasualties.com...and because the fall out is economic, and that is all that people seem to care about....most people don't even realize that we owe China trillions of dollars....and there has been yet another bail out...85 billion tax payer dollars to an insurance company while the CEO's keep their millions and their houses and their boats...and while the pundits and politicians sound off and fight while never addressing the real issue, that the corrupt military industrial complex controls our nation. (most people in the country are unaware of what the military industrial complex even is)
On a personal note, I know two people who have died in the war, whose lives were given for love a country that isn't loving them back the right way...whose families must go one without them forever and will never be the same...I have a few friends and acquaintances over there and my sister Kathy, being active duty Air Force, knows so many families affected by this war... and I just feel there has to be a better answer than cut and run or stay indefinitely... where is the middle ground to solve this? I don't pretend to know...but someone running should have better answers than any of the ones I heard so far... I'm dissatisfied... I want something better
The economy is such a mess...we're headed for 'grapes of wrath' 21st century style pretty soon...and I'm frustrated...
We are stuck with these ridiculously evil insurance companies and banks with unwarranted bail outs when they should all be going to jail...but they won't because they fund the political campaigns...viva the lobbyists...
My experience of the insurance company is this:
My health insurance company, which has never forgotten to take money from my small paycheck, refuses to pay my medical bills I incurred while in Peru building an orphanage....and refuse to tell me why...difficult doesn't describe my phone calls....ridiculous doesn't describe the run-a-round I get...
And my federal government can give the insurance company billions more....but can't seem to get my $600 'stimulus' check to me...which is more than I make each week... and quite another run-a-round...
I heard yesterday that the government controls 1 dollar out of every 5 that you spend...that's not a lot really...20 bucks out of every hunderd....20%...not too darn bad ...IF IF IF they were a good steward of that dollar!!!! We get a lot for that dollar in theory and sometimes in reality, on local level definitely(depending on your home town, mine is pretty good), police and firemen, infrastructure and ......'government'....
That last part....the national part....ugghhhh...I feel like when I give my dollar to the 'government' I'm giving money to a straight up crack head..no ....two crack heads fighting over the last bit of crack in the neighborhood....all they can think about is the crack...but they are so strung out...they are not clever enough to see the best way to get the crack...or that they probably shouldn't be a crack head if they want to stay alive very long....
I think its a good analogy....china and corrupt CEOs and lobbyists are the drug dealers...and republicans and democrats and public ignorance are the warring crack heads and for some reason...we, the smart people, with no money and no power.... can't do anything about it...are like the wise old grandma in the crackhead zone who just locks herself in her apartment and prays for things to get better...but will probably be shot accidentally in a drive by...
I know I should be able to continue to rise above such things and be a true Christian in my thoughts and actions...but this constant abuse is mild in my own personal case that I relay...I still have a paycheck and I can pay my rent and buy food...many people can't....and when I think of them and how helpless they must feel...I feel like my anger is of the righteous persuasion, like Jesus and the money changers in the temple....
I'm just wondering when and how Christians might rise up together and 'flip over' some carts of those corrupt people...
and I guess I need to stop watching the news so much because dang I hate pundits and politicians a whole heck of a lot more than the healthy amount right now...
I got my voting location assigned to me today and although I will vote, because I have to in order to feel worthy of an opinion, to not be hypocritical...but it feels a bit more than hopeless....
This is totally another topic now..but anyway...even though its 'taboo' and 'against women' and 'anti-feminist' and 'archaic'- all things I have been called for feeling this way...this is how I will vote...and why...
Not just because the other issues I talked about above are not going to go away or going to be solved very productively in all likelihood, but mainly because it is a more important issue to me.
I will have to, morally, religiously, vote on the paramount issue of the right to life, because without the right to exist, all other issues become mute...Abortion to me, is not one issue among many, but holds more importance because the issue of life is more important than any other: the economy, the war the environment, all of it is nothing to me compared to a human life. Some people say, "What about the life of the soldier", and that is true, be he at least had his own voice and choices. And people will say, "What about the environment?" Well, what about all the environmentalists, possibly a great one, being aborted....Or I love this one" What about the woman" What about cause and effect, if you don't want a child that badly..then control your own body before hand...and if you make a mistake....How is the government obligated to allow you to be so selfish as to not give 9 months to a life to you created, geez just be an incubator there are so many groups out there to help..."it is a poverty that a human being must die, so you can live as you wish"- Mother Theresa.....
To me, its more important issue to be alive and to have a voice...it just IS....maybe a great politician, who could help us out of this mess is being aborted right this moment, or has been already.
And because Obama thinks that issue is above his pay grade...my vote is not wanted by him...because I believe that to seek the office is to have the responsibility to those you represent, all those, in and out of the womb...its all about location really...location location location...and the uterus is a bad location for the fetus in danger these days.... I could never vote for him.
I heard a woman on the radio today...she is 31 and survived a saline abortion as a 7 and 1/2 month old fetus. She would have been killed outside the womb if the abortion doctor had been there, but he was late that morning and a nurse called an ambulance....
She has cerebral palsy and other developmental problems...the mother that tried to abort her kept her for 3 months until she was taken away by CPS...she was adopted at age three, she has run 2 marathons. She is now a 'born-alive' advocate, working to protect the rights of children, babies, fetuses...that survive abortion, a voice for the voiceless...
Obama has voted against 'born alive' legislation 4 times...
so....I will vote McCain...sadly the lesser of two evils type of vote...hypocritical a bit...on the other issues...but not enough so to have me vote for a pro-choice candidate, that would be more hypocritical to me.
I would like to vote for Ron Paul, but he's not running anymore...I loved him with Nader on 'The Situation Room' interviewed by Wolf Blitzer (uggghhhh blitzer), that was a cool interview
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEw0qKjP7hk
I really really really wish Nader was Pro-Life
....I would like to vote 3rd party candidates, but all of them are either 'pro-choice' or ignore abortion as an issue...I've researched them all, Nader, Barr...etc...etc...and it seems to me that most 3rd party candidates lean towards some sort of social fascism, socialism, or marxism and all lack the unborn as a platform issue...
When I first registered to vote, it was in New York State's Right to Life Party, I didn't know at the time that this party only existed in New York...and now it no longer exists. There is a National Right to Life Committee, but no party...I have no party ....
Good video about the two party corruption here: http://www.ronpaul.com/, third video down...Ron Paul's statement to the nation, September 10th
In the words of homer...not the real one, but the simpson...
"don't blame me I voted for kodos"....
I am party-less woman...But here are some fun definitions of the third parties out there !!!
lol
http://www.politics1.com/parties.htm
And I'm done...
Since when did it become okay for educated.... forget that, lets go with mildly intelligent people.... to act as if anyone who disagrees with them is automatically ignorant. What the hell is a pundit and who cares what they think?????
Obviously all of these very important people reporting, not the news, but their opinions and leanings, should be listened to and revered, when they can manage to not talk over each other...because the only opinion worth having, expressing and worth listening too, is theirs.
Pundits and politicians have quietly hijacked us as country and a people, taking the greed ridden, wide and easy road to perdition, corrupting a system our patriotic and sacrificing military families depend on to be just and honor their sacrifice....corrupting social programs with our tax dollars, corrupting our environment with unregulated pollution, abusing our privacy and our human rights and our religious freedom. All t he while most of the masses sit by unaware watching idiotic shows like "The View" and "Flava-flav's" latest journey towards love...or believing everything the New York Times or The New York Post have to say about anything political ...but really caring more about Page Six gossip.
And I have always known but never really tried to care too much, because I feel too insignificant to be able to change anything except my own mood by thinking about it...
I guess today was just the last straw on expressing my anger because more soldiers died yesterday and no one reported it ...because you can only hear about the 4160 Iraq and Afghanistan casualties if you go to iCasualties.com...and because the fall out is economic, and that is all that people seem to care about....most people don't even realize that we owe China trillions of dollars....and there has been yet another bail out...85 billion tax payer dollars to an insurance company while the CEO's keep their millions and their houses and their boats...and while the pundits and politicians sound off and fight while never addressing the real issue, that the corrupt military industrial complex controls our nation. (most people in the country are unaware of what the military industrial complex even is)
On a personal note, I know two people who have died in the war, whose lives were given for love a country that isn't loving them back the right way...whose families must go one without them forever and will never be the same...I have a few friends and acquaintances over there and my sister Kathy, being active duty Air Force, knows so many families affected by this war... and I just feel there has to be a better answer than cut and run or stay indefinitely... where is the middle ground to solve this? I don't pretend to know...but someone running should have better answers than any of the ones I heard so far... I'm dissatisfied... I want something better
The economy is such a mess...we're headed for 'grapes of wrath' 21st century style pretty soon...and I'm frustrated...
We are stuck with these ridiculously evil insurance companies and banks with unwarranted bail outs when they should all be going to jail...but they won't because they fund the political campaigns...viva the lobbyists...
My experience of the insurance company is this:
My health insurance company, which has never forgotten to take money from my small paycheck, refuses to pay my medical bills I incurred while in Peru building an orphanage....and refuse to tell me why...difficult doesn't describe my phone calls....ridiculous doesn't describe the run-a-round I get...
And my federal government can give the insurance company billions more....but can't seem to get my $600 'stimulus' check to me...which is more than I make each week... and quite another run-a-round...
I heard yesterday that the government controls 1 dollar out of every 5 that you spend...that's not a lot really...20 bucks out of every hunderd....20%...not too darn bad ...IF IF IF they were a good steward of that dollar!!!! We get a lot for that dollar in theory and sometimes in reality, on local level definitely(depending on your home town, mine is pretty good), police and firemen, infrastructure and ......'government'....
That last part....the national part....ugghhhh...I feel like when I give my dollar to the 'government' I'm giving money to a straight up crack head..no ....two crack heads fighting over the last bit of crack in the neighborhood....all they can think about is the crack...but they are so strung out...they are not clever enough to see the best way to get the crack...or that they probably shouldn't be a crack head if they want to stay alive very long....
I think its a good analogy....china and corrupt CEOs and lobbyists are the drug dealers...and republicans and democrats and public ignorance are the warring crack heads and for some reason...we, the smart people, with no money and no power.... can't do anything about it...are like the wise old grandma in the crackhead zone who just locks herself in her apartment and prays for things to get better...but will probably be shot accidentally in a drive by...
I know I should be able to continue to rise above such things and be a true Christian in my thoughts and actions...but this constant abuse is mild in my own personal case that I relay...I still have a paycheck and I can pay my rent and buy food...many people can't....and when I think of them and how helpless they must feel...I feel like my anger is of the righteous persuasion, like Jesus and the money changers in the temple....
I'm just wondering when and how Christians might rise up together and 'flip over' some carts of those corrupt people...
and I guess I need to stop watching the news so much because dang I hate pundits and politicians a whole heck of a lot more than the healthy amount right now...
I got my voting location assigned to me today and although I will vote, because I have to in order to feel worthy of an opinion, to not be hypocritical...but it feels a bit more than hopeless....
This is totally another topic now..but anyway...even though its 'taboo' and 'against women' and 'anti-feminist' and 'archaic'- all things I have been called for feeling this way...this is how I will vote...and why...
Not just because the other issues I talked about above are not going to go away or going to be solved very productively in all likelihood, but mainly because it is a more important issue to me.
I will have to, morally, religiously, vote on the paramount issue of the right to life, because without the right to exist, all other issues become mute...Abortion to me, is not one issue among many, but holds more importance because the issue of life is more important than any other: the economy, the war the environment, all of it is nothing to me compared to a human life. Some people say, "What about the life of the soldier", and that is true, be he at least had his own voice and choices. And people will say, "What about the environment?" Well, what about all the environmentalists, possibly a great one, being aborted....Or I love this one" What about the woman" What about cause and effect, if you don't want a child that badly..then control your own body before hand...and if you make a mistake....How is the government obligated to allow you to be so selfish as to not give 9 months to a life to you created, geez just be an incubator there are so many groups out there to help..."it is a poverty that a human being must die, so you can live as you wish"- Mother Theresa.....
To me, its more important issue to be alive and to have a voice...it just IS....maybe a great politician, who could help us out of this mess is being aborted right this moment, or has been already.
And because Obama thinks that issue is above his pay grade...my vote is not wanted by him...because I believe that to seek the office is to have the responsibility to those you represent, all those, in and out of the womb...its all about location really...location location location...and the uterus is a bad location for the fetus in danger these days.... I could never vote for him.
I heard a woman on the radio today...she is 31 and survived a saline abortion as a 7 and 1/2 month old fetus. She would have been killed outside the womb if the abortion doctor had been there, but he was late that morning and a nurse called an ambulance....
She has cerebral palsy and other developmental problems...the mother that tried to abort her kept her for 3 months until she was taken away by CPS...she was adopted at age three, she has run 2 marathons. She is now a 'born-alive' advocate, working to protect the rights of children, babies, fetuses...that survive abortion, a voice for the voiceless...
Obama has voted against 'born alive' legislation 4 times...
so....I will vote McCain...sadly the lesser of two evils type of vote...hypocritical a bit...on the other issues...but not enough so to have me vote for a pro-choice candidate, that would be more hypocritical to me.
I would like to vote for Ron Paul, but he's not running anymore...I loved him with Nader on 'The Situation Room' interviewed by Wolf Blitzer (uggghhhh blitzer), that was a cool interview
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEw0qKjP7hk
I really really really wish Nader was Pro-Life
....I would like to vote 3rd party candidates, but all of them are either 'pro-choice' or ignore abortion as an issue...I've researched them all, Nader, Barr...etc...etc...and it seems to me that most 3rd party candidates lean towards some sort of social fascism, socialism, or marxism and all lack the unborn as a platform issue...
When I first registered to vote, it was in New York State's Right to Life Party, I didn't know at the time that this party only existed in New York...and now it no longer exists. There is a National Right to Life Committee, but no party...I have no party ....
Good video about the two party corruption here: http://www.ronpaul.com/, third video down...Ron Paul's statement to the nation, September 10th
In the words of homer...not the real one, but the simpson...
"don't blame me I voted for kodos"....
I am party-less woman...But here are some fun definitions of the third parties out there !!!
lol
http://www.politics1.com/parties.htm
And I'm done...
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
a few old poems I found while cleaning my computer out :)
Love Lived
The beauty of a moment captured in time
Of peace that cannot be shattered
Preserved by an insight
Conveyed by a vision
No longer a mere moment but a truth to behold
The gift of a life dedicated to love
A life of a prayer that is lived
A blanket when cold
A visit when loneliness creeps
A warm sweet kisses on your head
Profound in devotion
This love is reflex
in world of chaos and confusion
Compassion replaces the cacophony
At last, the sanity of love
And a lifetime of moments to gather
Summer Silence
The sand washes in over a forgotten beach
Life continues of course
But will not be the same
I remember that summer day when I last saw you
What I would have said, have done, had I known
The days seemed so endless, yet they ended so abruptly
And for you they were far to few
The bleached benches still stand
And the hot pavement too,
Wreaking havoc on the feet of small children
There are a few people here today
A party or a a barbecue
Ignoring them is effortless
My mind is a place far from here
There's no life away from you
Life itself seems like background noise
There is a profound silence
And it is reigning in my head
I break through it to ponder how I stand here alone
And I think of how it should be you instead
My heart is filling with a longing
Never to be realized, never to leave me
Every question unanswered until we meet again
The summer of silence plays on
And on
And on
Unaware
I sit and I ponder and my mind wanders endlessly
The subjects dancing about in constant flux
Inside my head s a myriad of musings
Can you understand?
Is it true that anyone could?
I could let you in for a peek
And I suppose that I will, that I already have
Just don't get to cozy in my thoughts
This is my sanctuary, this is mine
So be my guest for a time, but then you must go
Who can you trust with a thought that is your own?
These have taken a while to reclaim from a certain intruder
Before I knew it he was there in my head
He was there, I let him in and I was caught
I had shared a part of myself
And now I wonder more than ever before
Is my life on shelf?
Are my thoughts part of another tale?
Yes, and now they are free for anyone to read.
How improbable.
It won't happen again
You were here to browse and now you can go
The depths belong only to me
So sorry if I accidentally caught you
Just as he caught me
So unaware...
Monday, September 15, 2008
Lets get emotional girls to all wear mood rings...
If perceptive is a mood than my mood ring reads: Blue with perceptiveness
The blog title is a quote from a Relient K song....
I actually don't really like the song much....but I do ....sometimes... depending on my mood...hahaha...see what I did there? Did you? Because it was clever...
So if you are interested, the song is "Mood Rings" by Relient K.
I feel like I've been having mood swings lately... but they're more like perspective shifts, and more painful than a mood swing....
I have had a tendency towards a very secular thinking the past few months/weeks...and it has definitely effected my moods. "Secular" is a word used to describe ones mood only by someone who has been immersed in a lifestyle that is completely, COMPLETELY, Christ centered...intense non-secularism, such as living in a van doing Catholic teen ministry for two years. To a missionary, even just a retired one that worked with American teens, 'secular ' is considered a dirty word. Secular...its like knowing that Jesus is your soul's water, food and life force, and deciding to be a spiritual anorexic.
It seems no matter how far time removes me from that experience it is still so intensely ingrained in my psyche, that whenever my life starts to slowly divorce from that way of life and thinking, something feels fundamentally 'off', as if I'm spinning out of my own orbit.
Let me try to explain that thought process...
I know I have told many a negative horror story about that experience. But nearly every negative experience I had on that 'van trip' derived directly from the negative actions of a person, whether that person was a teammate or myself, it had nothing to do with God's love for me, yet everything to do with his plan for me. In Roman St. Paul says, "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak" "I do what I do not want to do, and I do not do the things I should." That part is easy to understand, its the human condition. Being part of a mission team in no way eliminates the human condition. If anything, the circumstances you live under are a catalyst for situations hat exacerbate it. The difference for me was, that for most of my time there, not only was I the best version of myself I have ever been, but that I was keenly, super sensitively aware of that fact. Which made the time, when I was that better version of self, so sweet, like basking in what heaven would be like someday. A ten hour travel day across North Dakota seemed like an amazing opportunity to spend with friends and see the country and 'be' together in God s presence, and pray, and sing and laugh and love and be in His beautiful world, and months seem at times like minutes....when I was that best version. And when I would fall away, The ten hour trip from West Virginia to Wisconsin was a road that was never ending and riddled with potholes and anger directed at these people I forced to spend countless hours with....minutes would seem like years and every emotion became so intense and painfully realistic due to my heightened awareness of self and of those around me.
It has been 7 years and I can still so easily tap into the negative emotions and experiences that are very easy to share with friends and family. its always easier to gossip than to hold ones tongue or *gasp* to evangelize....And so, the positive experiences, which far outnumber and outweigh the negative in both substance and truth, are so much less tangible to me, so much harder to grasp at with my memory and emotions...and it frustrates me...
And I've realized, it is because I have to be that better version of self in order to feel the positive emotions clearly. And I've come to understand that the reason I fall into my "mood swings' is because being that better version self takes more hard work and prayer and discipline of the human will than I give these days.
Working at a church is a price club of excuses that I am all too willing to shop for and have an limitless credit card.
Hence the mood swings, because I do the things I do not want to do, but have a keenly sensitive awareness of what I'm doing to myself and to others by making poor choices...
I feel so very happy and fulfilled when I'm playing in my praise and worship band or when I take time to journal and pray, like I used to live my life on my mission...
Conversely, watching TV and living without journaling or doing active things for my personal faith, not work related stuff for others...makes me feel depressed and empty.
Yet, I don't even take time to do what I know will help me because I don't feel like I'm worth the effort...and its a vicious circle...
Music has played a big part ion my moods the past few weeks
So, here are is what have tended to listen to when I've been down.
I call it play list for depression, not bad songs, pretty good actually, but they don't help me pull myself up...they don't have any focus on a positive emotion, it is as if emotions just exist without anything outside of self or others that can influence the human condition, they are 'secular' in that they contain no Christ figure...and I know that it is only Christ is what will help me...so the music is good, addictive almost. It doesn't help me but I keep listening anyway:
Second hand serenade: "Fall for you"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_JDeA8uTVU
Linkin' Park: "Shadow of the Day"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_eEE12R8Gw
Blue October: "Hate Me"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOziJi-1hHE
Cold Play: "Fix You"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBEYyHGbwto
And my transitional song that brought me this realization and is encourages me to be happier and focus on the positives and live a life of love without regret or doubt or sloth...
Brave Saint Saturn: Daylight: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZ48C8z7aOQ
My favorite lines from this song are:
"And this silence is for nothing, desperate, I search the skies, aching for a spark, trembling in pitchest dark!!!! Daylight save me, daylight save me, tonight oh tonight"
"Jesus Christ light of the world, you never did forget me, and when I fell in darkness, you held me, still held me. When desperate nights I cursed you, you loved me, still loved me. Jesus Christ you dry the tears, you break my heart of stone."
"A heart of flesh you gave me only you can save me"
Listening to this song that is sung with such painful passion, reminded me of everything I want to be about, and how intricate Jesus is to the plan for me, pain and suffering on the path to his love and glory...and how completely whole and happy I feel when I live that way...
Jesus is my gravity to sanity...that's my own line and its a cool one...and I want to remind myself to listen to this song when I start to slip into my human sinfulness again, so that that gravity can pull me back, no matter how hard it is to submit to the gravity, the truth, the Lord.
Sometimes people wonder why I work for the church and a large part of my answer is: Because I'm constantly 'chasing that feeling' from my mission trip. Because I know my only hope of my best version of self is immersion...intrinsically selfish if you think about it...
And when I get back to my orbit of Christ....this is my happy Jesus Play list:
Songs full of passion and hope, that bring light to our world. This is more to me that just music. This music defines my emotions for me in a tangible way, especially when I'm playing it. This music is a conversation between myself and God, in thanksgiving for the past, hope for the future, embrace of his plan and love for his people. It is music that ignites my spirit and brings meaning to my presence within his plan for his people and for me.
Chris Tomlin: " God of this City"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d61LamkXfwk
Charlie hall: "Marvelous Light"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0oA2ka7tnh8
Hillsong United: :"Mighty to save"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sR8rlTIU8_Y
and Chris Tomlin: "Everlasting God"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXsYaBQGbM0
Now I just need to remember all that and I'm good to go...but I have no doubt, my mood will swing again, and acutely at that...
ahhh the humanity
I love Jesus :)
The blog title is a quote from a Relient K song....
I actually don't really like the song much....but I do ....sometimes... depending on my mood...hahaha...see what I did there? Did you? Because it was clever...
So if you are interested, the song is "Mood Rings" by Relient K.
I feel like I've been having mood swings lately... but they're more like perspective shifts, and more painful than a mood swing....
I have had a tendency towards a very secular thinking the past few months/weeks...and it has definitely effected my moods. "Secular" is a word used to describe ones mood only by someone who has been immersed in a lifestyle that is completely, COMPLETELY, Christ centered...intense non-secularism, such as living in a van doing Catholic teen ministry for two years. To a missionary, even just a retired one that worked with American teens, 'secular ' is considered a dirty word. Secular...its like knowing that Jesus is your soul's water, food and life force, and deciding to be a spiritual anorexic.
It seems no matter how far time removes me from that experience it is still so intensely ingrained in my psyche, that whenever my life starts to slowly divorce from that way of life and thinking, something feels fundamentally 'off', as if I'm spinning out of my own orbit.
Let me try to explain that thought process...
I know I have told many a negative horror story about that experience. But nearly every negative experience I had on that 'van trip' derived directly from the negative actions of a person, whether that person was a teammate or myself, it had nothing to do with God's love for me, yet everything to do with his plan for me. In Roman St. Paul says, "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak" "I do what I do not want to do, and I do not do the things I should." That part is easy to understand, its the human condition. Being part of a mission team in no way eliminates the human condition. If anything, the circumstances you live under are a catalyst for situations hat exacerbate it. The difference for me was, that for most of my time there, not only was I the best version of myself I have ever been, but that I was keenly, super sensitively aware of that fact. Which made the time, when I was that better version of self, so sweet, like basking in what heaven would be like someday. A ten hour travel day across North Dakota seemed like an amazing opportunity to spend with friends and see the country and 'be' together in God s presence, and pray, and sing and laugh and love and be in His beautiful world, and months seem at times like minutes....when I was that best version. And when I would fall away, The ten hour trip from West Virginia to Wisconsin was a road that was never ending and riddled with potholes and anger directed at these people I forced to spend countless hours with....minutes would seem like years and every emotion became so intense and painfully realistic due to my heightened awareness of self and of those around me.
It has been 7 years and I can still so easily tap into the negative emotions and experiences that are very easy to share with friends and family. its always easier to gossip than to hold ones tongue or *gasp* to evangelize....And so, the positive experiences, which far outnumber and outweigh the negative in both substance and truth, are so much less tangible to me, so much harder to grasp at with my memory and emotions...and it frustrates me...
And I've realized, it is because I have to be that better version of self in order to feel the positive emotions clearly. And I've come to understand that the reason I fall into my "mood swings' is because being that better version self takes more hard work and prayer and discipline of the human will than I give these days.
Working at a church is a price club of excuses that I am all too willing to shop for and have an limitless credit card.
Hence the mood swings, because I do the things I do not want to do, but have a keenly sensitive awareness of what I'm doing to myself and to others by making poor choices...
I feel so very happy and fulfilled when I'm playing in my praise and worship band or when I take time to journal and pray, like I used to live my life on my mission...
Conversely, watching TV and living without journaling or doing active things for my personal faith, not work related stuff for others...makes me feel depressed and empty.
Yet, I don't even take time to do what I know will help me because I don't feel like I'm worth the effort...and its a vicious circle...
Music has played a big part ion my moods the past few weeks
So, here are is what have tended to listen to when I've been down.
I call it play list for depression, not bad songs, pretty good actually, but they don't help me pull myself up...they don't have any focus on a positive emotion, it is as if emotions just exist without anything outside of self or others that can influence the human condition, they are 'secular' in that they contain no Christ figure...and I know that it is only Christ is what will help me...so the music is good, addictive almost. It doesn't help me but I keep listening anyway:
Second hand serenade: "Fall for you"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_JDeA8uTVU
Linkin' Park: "Shadow of the Day"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_eEE12R8Gw
Blue October: "Hate Me"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOziJi-1hHE
Cold Play: "Fix You"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBEYyHGbwto
And my transitional song that brought me this realization and is encourages me to be happier and focus on the positives and live a life of love without regret or doubt or sloth...
Brave Saint Saturn: Daylight: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZ48C8z7aOQ
My favorite lines from this song are:
"And this silence is for nothing, desperate, I search the skies, aching for a spark, trembling in pitchest dark!!!! Daylight save me, daylight save me, tonight oh tonight"
"Jesus Christ light of the world, you never did forget me, and when I fell in darkness, you held me, still held me. When desperate nights I cursed you, you loved me, still loved me. Jesus Christ you dry the tears, you break my heart of stone."
"A heart of flesh you gave me only you can save me"
Listening to this song that is sung with such painful passion, reminded me of everything I want to be about, and how intricate Jesus is to the plan for me, pain and suffering on the path to his love and glory...and how completely whole and happy I feel when I live that way...
Jesus is my gravity to sanity...that's my own line and its a cool one...and I want to remind myself to listen to this song when I start to slip into my human sinfulness again, so that that gravity can pull me back, no matter how hard it is to submit to the gravity, the truth, the Lord.
Sometimes people wonder why I work for the church and a large part of my answer is: Because I'm constantly 'chasing that feeling' from my mission trip. Because I know my only hope of my best version of self is immersion...intrinsically selfish if you think about it...
And when I get back to my orbit of Christ....this is my happy Jesus Play list:
Songs full of passion and hope, that bring light to our world. This is more to me that just music. This music defines my emotions for me in a tangible way, especially when I'm playing it. This music is a conversation between myself and God, in thanksgiving for the past, hope for the future, embrace of his plan and love for his people. It is music that ignites my spirit and brings meaning to my presence within his plan for his people and for me.
Chris Tomlin: " God of this City"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d61LamkXfwk
Charlie hall: "Marvelous Light"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0oA2ka7tnh8
Hillsong United: :"Mighty to save"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sR8rlTIU8_Y
and Chris Tomlin: "Everlasting God"- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXsYaBQGbM0
Now I just need to remember all that and I'm good to go...but I have no doubt, my mood will swing again, and acutely at that...
ahhh the humanity
I love Jesus :)
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