Even after being on NET ministries for 2 years and traveling the country so much, I never thought of it as really much more than a glorified road trip while I was working. I loved it, I'm not putting it down in that sense, but in the sense that I didn't think that the traveling aspect was all that incredible, mainly because they were places i always expected to go, that it was relatively easy to get to, and very possible in my mind.
Going to Peru in 2007, and twice in 2008 really blew my mind, and blew my concept of travel, Americans, consumerism, and need right out the window. Going somewhere I had never dreamed I would go changed me.
I never thought I would go to South America, which made me savor the experience, and the enhanced the surrealness of being there all the more. What seemed impossible became possible. In Luke 1:34 it says, "For all things are possible for God."
I now God has had a purpose in my travels, that much is clear, it is just the next direction, that remains cloudy.
After my last trip to Peru, I never thought I would return. Partly because I got sick and was frustrated, party because I know I can't afford it and it was unlikely that I would be sponsored a fourth time to go when so many others would like the opportunity. I haven't been focused on the thought of going with the group this summer at all. I am planning on taking summer classes at Holy Apostles so that I can graduate next May, and they will cost $1100, so that leaves no money for a $2300 trip to Peru. My mind has been so many other places- other job opportunities, other things I want to buy and do, other places I want to go. Yet somehow the thought of not being on the plane when they leave, makes me sad....I'm a masochist...trust me, I know...but those children 'los orphonatos'... and the mountain air and the people and the need...and the llamas...they rip my heart out.
So Fr. Michael asked to see me today, and offered to pay for me to go, I was very surporised, shocked really. I would need to pay $85 for tips for the guides and staff...that is all...I know he is desperate and wants my help speaking the language and teaching all the newbies the ropes, and I have a good head on my shoulders and I'm his right hand and I've always been there...
Part of me remembers all my previous frustrations with the teens, with father, with the clinics, with being sick, and the logical side of my head says enough is enough, stay home, go to class, relax a little...chill out...
The adventurer and evangelist and the spirit that seeks a higher purpose and calling within me thinks it is absolutely ridiculous to pass up a fully sponsored trip to the third world that may never come around again. The glamour of Mother Theresa's lifestyle...I think of the corporal works of mercy I can perform and the basic true humanity I can encounter and help...and the mental and spiritual benefits of being out of the USA and all its capitalistic inhumanities...I think of these things and the decision is already made.
Then I think of my mom and dad, and how they do not want me to go. For my own safety and health and their piece of mind, I ponder this: How far does the fourth commandment carry over into your 30s?
Then I think of all my friends that I have made in Peru- Carmen, Vanessa, Paul, Liz, Eliza, Alcides...and not seeing them again until heaven makes me hurt inside...and they could never get a visa to come here...and then the decision seems already made.
The thought of talking and walking and laughing with them...to pass that up seems illogical...
And, I just got off the phone with the college and summer session will be over be the time we depart...so the question becomes...how much can I and should I cram into a four month period? May & June - school, June& 1/2 of July- Peru, end of July- teens summer retreat with group of 70, August- kayaking trip for Youth Group and being a bridesmaid in MN...
And is that really a good thing? To set myself up for another rigorous September with another full course load and academic year for catechism? With no real mental or physical break over the summer to process everything that is going on?
And I have no answer...only conflicting desires...and many more questions...
Should I go to Peru?
2 comments:
the 4th commandment does not count on stuff like that. What I might suggest is asking Fr. if you can tone down some of the other stuff after the trip--the camping, etc, all summer w/ the teens. If that's possible, then you can take your courses, and go to Peru and be rested for September.
Also, I would ask Fr to screen the group better. These kids who look at it like a vaca....don't need to go.
what about your health? How vulnerable will you to be viruses and infections, going back to that environment???
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